time

'i need the product of your fears in the form of tears'
i've made a decision.
one that hurt me and will likely hurt me for a long time.
as much as i would love being switzerland here, it just wasn't an option.
this entire week i have isolated myself from both parties.
i took a step back, just to gather how i really felt.
and although i feel as though the situation has progressed to a ridiculous point, i don't see a way to go back.
the path i was on is now changed irrevocably.
time is such a precious thing, i have come to learn.
it's something i imagined i had more of.
I thought I had more time to be best friends with Amber.
I thought I had more time to think about the conflict.
I thought I had more time in my sophomore year.
But I was wrong, and all are coming to a close.

Although I can't bring myself to say that I regret choosing juniors for friends over freshmen last year, I can't help but imagine where I would be had I gone the other way.
Would I be less mature?
Would I be as good at lieing to my parents?
Would I be as sketchy on nights out?
More importantly, who would be my support system? Would i have different friends?

I feel like high school has blown by, but in reality it hasn't for me. YET
I still have two more years here.
What will life be like?
Like it would have been had the most important people in our lives, never been there?
If the people in my class are my equals, why do I feel so much older?
I haven't decided yet, but I may still go to FHS graduation this year.
Just so her leaving suddenly becomes reality.

Time is something worth using, but what do you do when time is up?