Welcome to the real world.
Why is it that I find myself seeing concepts of life so clearly, while the people around me remain in blissful ignorance. Why do I grasp the seriousness of situations more so then my peers? Why do I always have to be the responsible one? Ever since I wrote that creative writing piece about my party habits, it has become incredibly clear that I need to make a change in my lifestyle. But where do I begin? I, as well as my friends, have made a habit of partying like we haven't a care in the world. But one day I realized it's not worth it. It's not worth the dazy morning afters or the sloppy mistakes. Life isn't a party. Life is full of concerns, jobs, and education. Parties and completely carefree, no strings attached.
I was under the false impression that the group of kids I formerly partied with, was my "family". A place where all the misfit/stoner/perverted kids belong together. I truly loved them. Until I realized that they were all just as self-centered and shallow as I am. They formed a heiarchy of the people who mattered most to them....the "officers". Somehow everyone below them remained part of the "family". But this family was supposed to be based on equality! This family was supposed to be a place where the wierd kids feel accepted. But with the growing popularity and exclusiveness even the mighty BTF formed a ring of people who were always slightly more likable or powerful. Just like every other clique I have ever seen. And I saw first hand what it took to become an "officer", and it was as disappointing as it was repulsing. This realizaion was one I lived with for a while, before I figured out that my life couldn't always be smoking and drinking and having sketchy fun. Once the nights grew less exciting and the and the mornings became harsher, I had no choice but to accept my chapter with the "family" had come to a halting end. Of course I met people there that I will cherish for the rest of my life. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
My life now consists of the occasional sketchy night due to my weak connection with the"family". I can't say that I feel more mature than the people there because I still believe I am completely equal to all of them. But until they understand the true meaning of family I can't consider myself a part of theirs. I want a group of people who I can trust with my life, who value my opinion, who will take care of me as I drunkenly stumble down the hall. Hey, at least they have 1 of the three. The only thing I really regret, is leaving without an explanation. Because it is the popular misconception that I just don't like the people there, or that I feel above them somehow. Wrong. I just don't think it would be worth explaining.
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You are right in some parts.
ReplyDeleteBut I disagree when you said they are "A place where all the misfit/stoner/perverted kids belong together."
They are so much more than that, each and every one of them have a gift that makes them so unique and beautiful on the inside.
God, some of them are so talented.
We all have our flaws, but that's what makes us who we are.
it doesn't give anyone the right to feel above or below anyone else.
ReplyDeletethat's not family.
Well yeah that's a flaw that is bound to be fixed.
ReplyDeleteThere are always flaws, especially in families...
i don't need another disfuntctional family.
ReplyDeleteThat's your choice.
ReplyDeleteThose are the only kinds of families out there.
There's a whoel big bunch of things you're not taking into account here.
ReplyDeleteBut if this instance serves your agenda then feel free to use the story to convey your form of truth.
That in essence is what journalism does. A non-fictional story that still often reflects the thoughts of the writer. The challenge with journalism is conveying the story with objective truth. But it all comes down to how we tell the story. Right?
If I were to tell the same tale. I would talk more of how it easy it was to see the entire ordeal was a bunch of nonesensical flirting. It didn't take the Eye of Horus to tell what was on both parties minds.
-A bit silly? yes.
-Wrong? I think not. Both parties involved made a choice. This choice in reality had no negative effect save for those who would look upon it and project thier emotions.
Indeed "the observer is the observed."
Now with families I wonder where the view of true equality comes from. In the traditional nuclear version of the "Family" idea a hierarchy of control is inherent at its inception.
I know in my family my mother and father have the lion's-share of power. Followed by Me and then my little sister.
We all care for eachother. In this sense we may be equal some-what. But there are still ones with more pull than others.
In truth no unity of humans has ever been devised where at least one person had no form of dominence. We can only hope those in charge aren't corrupt or replace them if they are not. No system has ever been made where there are no leaders at all. Even in a simple group of 3 or four friends. The ones with the dominant will eventually become the ones who influence what decisions are ultimatly made. It's natural human behaviour. Even in nature there is no total equality: bees, ants, dogs. etc.
I can say honestly we would've made this said person an "officer" anyway. And the entire thing was simply an example of teenage frivolity (10$ says I spelled that wrong). Parties, in essence, are often this on a grander scale. Intentions with choices stemming from free will. When people have relative freedom to do what they want sometimes we see things that may suprise us or even be a bit unsettling. But unless we are to take from them that freedom, all we have the power to do is examine ourselves and see how we feel about these choices made. Whether we find ourselves accepting, casting stones, or somewhere inbetween is purely up to us, our choice.
The paramount...thing...it seems this family posses is freedom. Like all freedom it IS relative indeed. But an enviroment where one can be as stupid or smart as they want. An enviroment where a person can be who they are, or as often the case Find Out who they are without the morass of 'Big Brother' watching their every move is something these misfits/outcast/teenagers seem to desperatly need. Freedom. Perhaps this is why something orginally involving a handful of old friends continues to grow like a wildfire.
The interesting thing is the same freedom that allowed you to enter allows you to leave. If it's not for you it's not for you. The principle that they maintain an open door is what I see as paramount.
So in the end we come full circle. The job of the scientist to expose the objective reality. The things that might excite and horrify us both equally presented.
But, I guess as artist, as writers. We can and we always will project a piece of ourselves with whatever we create. Whatever we paint.
So ultimatly its up to you if you want to paint a dark picture of a corrupt hierarchy robbing the innocence of weak minded. Or as a bunch of teens doing teenage quality sillyness...It is totally up to You as the artist.
But as always "the observer is the observed."
On the website DeviantArt the works I create will be criticized. And on this open world of blogspot your writing shall be commented upon.
The door is open afterall.
^
ReplyDeleteIt's Billy btw. Sorry about the rediculously huge reply. But when it's 4:21 AM and you have my attention span. You have to write down whats in your head when its in your head.
i think i understood about 3/4 of what you said.
ReplyDeleteas someone who, as a writer, i respect.
i take your opinion into consideration.