So I recently had a very long discussion with Joy and Nicole about their religious stand points. I have always known that Joy as well as Colie have been thorughly raised on christianity. It started out with a seemingly harmless question posed to me by Colie, "Well, what exactly is it about Christianity that you can't grasp?" Pshhh, how about everything?! I guess I was able to slightly define to her what the main thing was. 1. GOD? the idea of a higher being just baffles me. And seems completely far-fetched. I think we spent an hour and a half or so focusing on being able to accept the fact that there might actually be something out there. 2. Afterlife. This one hit me harder than I ever expected. I have based my entire life philosophy on the belief that there is no rhyme or reason to us inhabiting this Earth. The only thing we can do is try to preserve our humanity and sanity throughout our time here.
Believe it or not, there was actually a time where I considered there being a God. But I guess based on my personality and ignorance towards the religion, I believed him to be someone who knew the "plan" for everyone's life. Someone, or better yet something, who believed in humanity after everything seemingly evaporated. Someone who knew right from wrong. Someone who lead people through life to guide them towards nirvana. Which to me, I imagined in the last millisecond of life on Earth. The moment everything prioritizes itself, the moment material items disappear, the moment everything makes sense. The moment that arrives just in time for us to leave. Only people on the verge of death could reach that point in my mind. You know why? Because those people are not destined for Earth. Humanity as a whole could not comprehend that essentially nothing we have based society off of, matters. I guess I believed only people who reached that clarity could finally and eternally rest in peace.
As our conversation progressed, and seeing the passion that filled Colie's eyes when she said she KNEW God was there with her, I had the feeling that maybe, just maybe, he/she/it did exist. But then Colie said something I will never forget. She said that "the people who can't accept God's love, burn forever." Which I guess I have heard multiple times in my life, but this really struck me. I realized that she meant people like me. People who just simply believe differently then people like her. Then I understood it wasn't limited to average every day people. Murders who love God go to heaven as well. So I asked her what I thought was a rhetorical question, "So Nicole, what if I spent my entire life dedicated to helping people. Became a doctor and spent my entire career up until my dieing day helping AIDS relief in sector 17 of Zimbabwe, but I was an atheist. You're saying the christian child molester is getting into eternal bliss, while I burn in torment for the rest of forever?" "Liv, that's just the way it is. God gives you your entire life to accept his love and if you don't, that's it."
I know that reading this conversation from an outside view, Colie seems like a religious freak, but I guess you had to be there. We were just three 16 year old girls discussing topics beyond our minds' capacity. But you have to understand that she was really getting to me. Like before she established the whole "burn in hell " thing, I was starting to like the idea of "everything happens for a reason" and that there was always someone who knew better than me or the next president. But if there was one belief I had about "GOD" before this conversation, it was that he knew right from wrong. That good people, who do good things, ultimately were rewarded. But I suppose I never stopped to look up the definition of "good". And Colie made it perfectly clear that mine--on Earth was opposite of God's--in"heaven". I guess I always believed that if I died and foudn out there was something more, that God would love me just for believing in something. Maybe not religiously but for believing in what's right. For justice and compassion.
But I was wrong. God is selfish. God is competing with the devil for all our souls. He knows everything and yet does nothing to teach us lessons in life, because life is worthless to him. All he wants is the outcome. He wants us to love HIM in the end, and not our fellow men. Life is fabricated, our world is a single piece to his plan. Our world is the beginning of the end. God is corrupt, in my mind.
I would rather burn for eternity, than spend my life believing in something or someone who completely contradicts everything i personally believe in, in our so called world. No one, not even God, has the right to tell me that my time on Earth was worthless. I intend on dedicating my life to saving lives as a doctor. And you know what? I truly hope after I die, that God is there to put me in hell, because it will all be worth it. Consider this me saying I REJECT YOUR LOVE AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR, MOTHERFUCKER. If you know me at all, you'll know I mean it when I say I'm not going down without a hell of a fight.
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i'm going to say that that's not just the way it is. whatever nicole said about the child molester is wrong, because a good christian would know that simply accepting a "christ" figure is simply not enough. i would know, since i used to be one. her point about the molester is moot, essentially.
ReplyDeletealso, i'm going to say that christianity is just a guess on what could be going on up there. i will never let myself succumb to a religion, because i don't think God wants us to spend our lives putting ourselves above others by our simple beliefs, as well as the fact that i think God would want us all to do what's best for ourselves and others, if that makes sense.
honestly, i think that her definition of christianity isn't real christianity, dare i say it, because a REAL christian would know that just believing isn't enough. there are other holes to her argument. what about people who have never been exposed to religion, such as those in underdeveloped third-world countries? where do they go? surely not to hell, if God is as compassionate as the Christians say. and once you start relegating them to other places, it gets slicey and dicey, which is why i don't think Christianity is the solution. though i believe in a higher being.
even though i'm not quite sure if I myself believe, i'm fairly certain that there's a higher being. just not the Christian God who damns everyone who isn't a Christian to hell in the end.
I really don't think there will ever be a neo-religion to come that will suit me. In my mind, my morals are what keep me sane. I don't feel an obligation to worship a higher being or accept one in my life. I beleive in learning through experiences. And to a certain extent I believe everything happens for a reason. But maybe that's just how life was meant to be.
ReplyDeleteConfusing and open ended. The future is based on the decisions we make. But the decisions we make can almost always be predicted.
i didn't say i felt the need to worship a being. just that i believe there is one. yes, i agree with you on your morals point. and really the rest. it's just that the afterlife is an ambiguity to me, definitely not nothing but, beyond that, unknown.
ReplyDeletei get it.
ReplyDeletebut curiousity killed the cat.
and whose to say there is anything after life?
hence the name, afterlife.
life is living and death is dieing.
that's the only way that makes sense to me.
and just because i completely believe that, doesn't mean i'm not just as curious as you.
i understand. i mean that the whole concept of "afterlife" is ambiguous to me, as you do too. i don't mean that you're not curious, but you're more resigned as you've stated you're an atheist. i'm a whatever-feels-good. i just say agnostic, because the "God" i'm thinking of isn't conventional. but i think it still exists.
ReplyDeletethe god i thought maybe could have existed does not exist, apparently.
ReplyDeletebut it doesn't matter because i don't need him :)
if you believe in god, you do.
ReplyDeleteif you don't, you don't.
i personally don't think there is an afterlife. when you die, your soul goes with your entire body, six feet into the ground. so why should i have to live my life as some ancient book tells me to. i'm going to live the life i feel like living. i'm going to fall in love and have sex before marriage, i'm going to drink just to get drunk, i'm going to lie cheat and steal my way to the top, and if god doesn't like it, he can send me to nowhereland, because in my own little head, thats where i'll end up anyway. i am my own god, i run my own life.
YA DIGG??!
amen, sista.
ReplyDeleteOne of my parents famous arguements:
ReplyDeleteLaszlo: "You're going to hell!"
Brenda: "No, you are!"
Me: "I'm going in a hole."
Them: "??? (mind blown)"